I think all of this is part of the ongoing conversation people in poly relationships have. You can talk about what you’re all comfortable with and come to an agreement. A big part of it is a matter of personal preference and compatibility. Some people value privacy more, and others value openness. I wouldn’t date someone who needed me to keep a lot of secrets because I value talking (and writing) about things, and I need to have open conversations. I recently lost a partner because of our different values and I feel okay about that. The secrecy was feeling toxic for me, but on his end, he felt a strong need for privacy.

Polyamorous and sex-positive essayist, poet, and over-thinker.