I love this piece. I’ve spent the past few years actively trying to become more sex-positive — which is to say, acknowledge and tap into my desire for sex, and challenge the perception that I need to be in a long term, committed relationship to do this. Feeling safe, as you point out here, is so important but sometimes hard to pin down — what makes me feel safe?

Polyamory has definitely felt safer than monogamy. Swinging is something I’ve only played with a little but has felt safer since a trusted partner has been present. And being with women is something I’m newly exploring and feels safe in a way being with men rarely does.

Anyway, I loved reading this, another reminder that female sexual desire doesn’t have to exist only in very specific committed relationship scenarios, it’s just a matter of finding other ways to feel safe.

Polyamorous and sex-positive essayist, poet, and over-thinker.