I agree, individuals can be controlling, but I also believe that if monogamy is based on a system of control and that the only way to get out of that system is to agree to monogamy — or polyamory or whatever structure — together. Monogamy, just as much as polyamory, needs to be a choice for it to not be inherently controlling.

In response to your other point, I agree, talking is a huge part of making changes in relationships, and talking is something Drake and I have been engaging in quite a lot of. Part of my intention in writing this piece was to share this experience of wanting to talk more with someone who has more or less shut the door and told me to do what I want and need to do for myself. Perhaps he has some things he needs to work on, which is clear if you read between the lines of “do what you want,” but it’s not my job to figure that out for him. The best I can do is stay open to talking about it more.

Thanks for taking the time to read and engage!

Polyamorous and sex-positive essayist, poet, and over-thinker.

Polyamorous and sex-positive essayist, poet, and over-thinker.