Surrendering to desire doesn’t always feel like a choice — You find yourself like a pinball, resting on a peg, embracing the pause. Or perhaps it’s more like a block — but you know it’s only momentary. Inevitably, you fall, tip to one side or the other, drop down to the next stopping point. It can feel like you’re just…

I still like to imagine things and play — Last night, Shawn and I drank vermouth and played board games at a bar. “You are good at compartmentalizing,” I said at one point, as it got later and the vermouth relaxed my inhibitions. “Oh, what do you mean?” Shawn replied, looking up from the gameboard, wearing a worried expression. …

A meditation on the beauty of bleeding — When I’m there with someone, that place of deep comfort, then I can admit it: I love the look of my partner’s thighs, smeared with my bright red blood. I love the way my blood ends up all over my own skin too, my stomach, my ass, my breasts. And…

I’ve made mistakes in the past, but now even “white lies” are sometimes enough for me to end things on the spot — I’m pretty understanding. If someone does something that hurts me, as long as they invest in righting the wrong on their end, I forgive. I’m empathetic, and I can usually put myself in other people’s shoes. Because of this, there have been times I’ve stayed in unhealthy relationships. Over the…

A poem — I drank too much wine at William’s fancy dinner party, more than I’ve drunk in years. After the meal, our toes brushed under the table, but instead of pulling away, we began to swirl — insert our toes between each other’s, grasp, pull, and push… For hours I stayed, held…

Sex with my new lover opened up a Pandora’s Box of fantasies — I’m making coffee in the kitchen when my partner Drake comes in and pours himself a bowl of cereal. Looking up, he gives me a funny look and then asks, “Is that a hickey on your neck?” I grin like a naughty child and reply, “Am I a bad girl?” …

I only wish I’d allowed myself to linger — I recently wrote a piece called “The One Thing That Killed my Perfect Poly Date,” and (spoiler alert) that “one thing” was that my date hadn’t been in tune with my body language, specifically, he chose the worst moment to move in for a kiss. He did not take the…

As I study to become a therapist, I reflect on the importance of developing loving, supportive connections, especially in times of tragedy — This morning I woke up and, after allowing my thoughts to run wordlessly through my mind for a few minutes, I picked up my phone and began working on a story about a recent date, which I started yesterday — the day after the school shooting in Texas. It’s my…

Raw writing /prose poem / micro-essay / free-write — Triggered in this way, I trust no one, not even him. Everything he did last night to show me love, my brain challenged. He sat beside me and asked if I wanted to talk — he’s only saying this to avoid a fight. He offered to read to me —…